If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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