A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do vagina's smell?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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