why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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