Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
