Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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