Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
