He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
