You're a womanizer and a bitch.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
