I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
