exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
