Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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