i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
