He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
