when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
