ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
