there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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