His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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