it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
