I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
