Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
