Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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