I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
