Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
