I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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