So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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