You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
