The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
