I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
