I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
how drunk are you?
Several
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
