The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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