Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
