non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
