Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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