watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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