i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
