just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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