I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
