Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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