Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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