My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago