Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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