Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night. http://tfl.nu/yws8
  Replies (9) Good night (8625) Bad night (942)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart? http://tfl.nu/us70
  Replies (22) Good night (1460) Bad night (5791)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (815): I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off. http://tfl.nu/09ia
  Replies (11) Good night (2853) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (314): I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light. http://tfl.nu/psre
  Replies (19) Good night (3836) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate. http://tfl.nu/xbio
  Replies (17) Good night (1281) Bad night (4016)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (612): Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore. http://tfl.nu/3jmh
  Replies (15) Good night (4514) Bad night (1389)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (615): She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse. http://tfl.nu/chf5
  Replies (6) Good night (1124) Bad night (2318)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (708): So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS? http://tfl.nu/0qn8
  Replies (25) Good night (1980) Bad night (4316)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (347): Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord??? http://tfl.nu/3v54
  Replies (15) Good night (2592) Bad night (1128)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (970): I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life. http://tfl.nu/eqcg
  Replies (21) Good night (1493) Bad night (1134)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (812): Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome. http://tfl.nu/9uj2
  Replies (9) Good night (1585) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy http://tfl.nu/2l3y
  Replies (5) Good night (1332) Bad night (400)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed. http://tfl.nu/bj7a
  Replies (12) Good night (419) Bad night (966)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex. http://tfl.nu/3doz
  Replies (2) Good night (818) Bad night (435)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (734): who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole. http://tfl.nu/be6n
  Replies (10) Good night (426) Bad night (323)

Randomize