Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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