the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
