Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
