I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
