i don't like sucking hair
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
