He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
