Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Vodka?
Forever.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
