Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can I color on your dick again?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
