shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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