I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
