You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
