The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
