Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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