He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
