I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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