I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You ate ashes out of my bong
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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