She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone shattered a urinal.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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