Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
