i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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