So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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