i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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