My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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