Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
