Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
