I just saw a hot homeless man
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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