he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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