I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
