Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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