I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
A bitchslap is in order.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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